New Year!!

I am sure almost everyone around me has heard me express how excited I am to say goodbye to 2011 and HELLO!!! to 2012.

I am so excited that today is the 1st and no more waiting around for it to get here. Something wonderfully strange has happened to my outlook and attitude as I have welcomed this new year. The majority of 2011 was a blur and many months spent healing and trying to create my new normal. Since April I have been stuck in a place of not really being depressed but feeling like I will never be completely Happy again. I have tried and tried to feel like the old me but I almost feel as though that girl no longer exists.

So who am I? 2012 is my year to find out. To re-evaluate who I am and what I want. To create new goals and get to know myself all over again.

Some things I plan to accomplish this year include road biking, learning to play the piano, do a bit of travelling and spend as much time as I can cherishing my loved ones. I am getting sick of just thinking and talking about doing these things. It is time for action! I feel as though 2011 was a wasted year for me. So many months spent feeling lost with no real direction.
2012 is my year to take back my life. To be in control again. To find that direction. To find my happiness and joy again. No more floating from day to day just... existing. I am making 2012 all about me. Which may sound selfish but I feel it's necessary to get my life back on track. I am setting goals and going to accomplish them. I am going to rediscover my potential and learn what it feels like to be proud of myself again.

Part of this new journey to happiness will include making some changes. One of which is getting rid of my Facebook. I am doing this for several reasons. First, I spend too much time on Facebook. What a waste of time when I could be doing other things that are so much more productive! Some may say, "Don't get on as often" Well I know myself well enough to know I do not have the self-discipline for that. Another reason is, I have a bad habit of comparing myself and my life to other's. Which is bad. Life is not a competition or a race. I feel like in order for me to really focus on my life and all the blessings I have, I have to stop comparing my life to other's lives who seem so much more successful than mine. Sitting at the computer wishing my life were like theirs will get me nowhere. And finally, Facebook is painful for me. While I love all my family and friends and am genuinely, truly happy for their growing families, constantly seeing pictures and reading comments about pregnancies and babies and children is just simply painful. No matter how much I try to convince myself that it doesn't bother me, it really does. I need to stop torturing myself and move one.

I am really excited about the goals/changes I have in store for 2012. I am hoping to make this a wonderfully fulfilling year getting to know the new me. I am excited to smile more. And not the fake smiles, but the real ones. I am excited to laugh more. I am excited to just feel at peace and be content again.

And just maybe through this journey I will sort through my thoughts and feelings of the prospects of trying for more children. I am still in that spot where I am unsure how I feel about having children. I hoping that through my process of getting to know the new me I will rediscover my desire to be a mother and get rid of that fear that is stopping me. I have also realized that if I am going to be a good mother I need to be in a good place, so this year is all about getting to that place :) Wish me luck!