Thursday, April 26, 2012

Emily's 1st Birthday!

One week ago was Emily's first birthday. It's taken me awhile to write this post because we were out of town for awhile and then Justin had the camera while he was Turkey hunting. I was getting anxious to share our day with you!

The few days leading up to her birthday I had been preparing myself for a hard day. For weeks before hand I would start crying just thinking about her birthday (course it could have been all the crazy hormones in my body too). Surprisingly, however, her birthday was a great day :) I got choked up a little in the morning but I was distracted by a marketing test I had to take.

First stop of the day was to go find a girl's baby dress. We found one we liked and wrapped it up and took it to the hospital. We went to the birthing floor and explained to the nurses that today was our daughter's birthday and we wanted to donate the dress to the first girl born that day. We asked the nurses to take a picture of us with the dress though before we handed it over.

You can't really tell from the picture but it was a yellow dress with little flowers on it with a little sweater. Justin and I were holding ourselves together quite well. I think we were enjoying being able to remember Emily this way. The nurses however, were a little more emotional. They cried and thought what we were doing was so sweet. We told the nurses they didn't have to explain to the recipient why they were getting the dress, just that it was donated anonymously. I am curious who ended up with the dress and if they liked it :)

Next up that day was balloons at the cemetery with my sister and my niece and nephew. It was a really windy day so we had to stand a ways off from her grave so the balloons didn't land in the trees. We didn't get very good shots of them floating away since the wind was so crazy.

After the balloons we had cake at our house. It was amazing! I will definitely be making this again!

A few weeks prior to Emily's birthday I had a sister in law and some cousins interested in doing something for Emily's birthday. I sent out a mass message to the family telling them about the balloons and asked that if they participated to send me pictures so we could see all the balloons! The response we got from our family was just incredible! How blessed we are to be apart of such a wonderful loving family! The following pictures are from various families celebrating Emily's birthday :)

Chris and Amy's family, Wyoming

Andrea and Justin's old work buddies, Arizona

Teresa and Gorie's family, Arizona
(I love that they did it at the temple Justin and I were married in)

The rest of our family in New Mexico!
They are a little small but I couldn't get them larger without making them fuzzy :(


Overall it was a wonderful day and we loved celebrating her birthday. I can only imagine how much she was celebrating with her other angel babies up in heaven :) Happy Birthday baby girl!!

Thanks for reading :)

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Temple Open House

As many of you know we are in our endless 2WW. Although this thought never leaves my mind, fortunately we have a few things going on that are keeping me occupied. Other than the constant flow of homework, Justin and I had the wonderful opportunity to head to Kansas City and participate in the Kansas City Temple Open House. What an amazing experience this was! We went through the tour ourselves Friday evening and stayed over night. Saturday we did some shopping around town and then went back to help with the open house Saturday evening. I got help take the foot coverings (booties) off people's shoes as they were exiting. It was so great to be able to see people's expressions, both members and non members alike, as they were coming out. Justin was part of security, with a little ear piece and everything. I think he had way too much fun :) I am so grateful for this experience and opportunity to serve. How thankful I am to be so much closer to a temple now that we can attend regularly.

At one point I was standing inside the temple watching tour groups go through and opening the door for the groups that were finished. As I was standing there, there was this young family with a little girl in front of me. Her dad was holding her hand and she was so precious looking around at the beautiful building. As I was standing there quietly, I immediately thought of Emily and what it would have been like to be taking her through the temple and to have her there with us. Most occasions this would have made me sad, but as I was standing in the temple and feeling the spirit, I was filled with peace and gratitude. Of the knowledge that I have that we are an eternal family and that I will see her again. She is not lost to me forever and it is because of the wonderful temple that we have such a great blessing. It was a great weekend :)

You will have to excuse the bad picture. It was really late and really windy


Monday, April 9, 2012

Egg Hunting

Hello again! Before I get to the update, I would like to post a little disclaimer... I realize my blog started out as a way for me to release thoughts, feelings and experiences from losing our daughter, and has morphed into a blog that follows our attempt at conceiving a second baby. I completely realize and acknowledge that this topic is not something everyone feels is appropriate to share with the world and it may be a little unorthodox to share our step by step process. If you feel this to be true, I completely understand and it will not hurt my feelings in the slightest if you just don't read my blog! :) I choose to blog this experience for a couple reasons. The first, is that Justin and I both come from large families. There are many relatives that are invested and interested in this process we are going through and I have found that my blog is a great avenue in which to share our experiences and keep everyone updated. Yes we still talk to people on the phone, but this allows me to tell everyone everything and not have to worry about phone calls I have missed or things I forgot to tell someone. We have been greatly blessed to be surrounded by so many wonderful family members and friends who like regular updates :) The second reason I blog is because I find it to be extremely therapeutic. Things I post on my blog are not normally things I share to everyone in a normal conversation. I don't always get the opportunity to spill my guts and all my emotions in an everyday type of conversation.  Before my blog, I would try to keep a journal but would always fail. I normally would have the same conversation with a couple close confidants and keep the rest of it bottled inside. After losing Emily I realized that is not healthy and I needed an outlet. So far I have received nothing but love and support from family/friends and strangers alike. However, I do realize that some out there may feel it is not appropriate to share with the world where I am at in my cycle or how successful/unsuccessful we have been at conceiving. Which is fine, I respect that opinion. But please realize that this has been helping me immensely and I am doing it for me, not for other people :)

Okay, so now back to where we left after my last post! I took the Clomid last week and thankfully did not experience any side effects other than the hot flashes and an occasional mood swing. Justin is probably thankful he spent a lot of time at work :) Anyway, this morning was my ultrasound to see how much/if the Clomid helped. The ultrasound found I had 2 perfect follicles in my left ovary (18-22mm) and 2 in my ovary which were not great (12-13 mm). My doc said the ones in my right ovary were small and typical of a PCOS follicle so we are mostly counting on the left ones. She said with 2 healthy follicles there is an increased chance of twins, but also an increased chance of getting pregnant. At this point I am not concerned about twins, I really do not think it will be a problem. Anyway, after the ultrasound I got my shot. I thought it would be in my arm. The nurse said she could do it in my arm, but since my arm was "so small" (She is now my favorite nurse :)), she put in smack dab on my butt. Ouch. I thought I hated shots and needles before, but now I REALLY REALLY REALLY hate them. Most unpleasant shot of my life. So then I was free to go after I paid the 500.00. So in reality I left the doctor's office feeling totally assaulted and completely broke, but yet I still find it all so exciting! :) I then went to school and took an accounting test while trying to ignore my throbbing buttocks!

So there it is! I am very excited the Clomid was successful and I have viable follicles this month. I know Clomid doesn't work for a lot of women and I am just grateful it worked for me :) So within the next few days we start the dreaded 2ww. Thankfully we have enough going on to (hopefully) keep us distracted and occupied. Thanks for reading! :)