I caved...

Well here it is! I have started a blog :) I've had several people tell me I should start a blog and after some persuasion, I caved. I am hoping this blog will provide some help, tips and insight to others who need it. The past year has been... a rollercoaster to say the least.

My blog will focus primarily on my husband and my journey to become parents. I am one of those people who won't tell everyone everything and tend to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself. I've heard that can be unhealthy so hopefully this will be therapeutic in working through my thoughts and feelings. I am not real sure who will end up reading this, but whoever you are, I hope you can get something, anything, from reading this :)

So a little about myself. My name is Jessica. I am 22 years old, soon to be 23, and live in Missouri. I have been married to a wonderful man named Justin for a little over 3 years. He is doing what he loves, working as a firefigher/emt. We have two black labs, named Molly and Nicki, who are both about a year and a half old. I am currently a full-time student, studying accounting, hoping to finish within the next couple years.

Two years and two and a half months ago, my husband and I decided it was time to start trying for children. We both come large families and have always wanted a large family ourselves. I was so excited and nervous, but so ready! When teachers would ask us in school what we wanted to be when we grew up, I would say "A mom!" I have never been really career driven, I have always felt like my mission and calling in life would be to raise children. So there I was, excited to start this journey! 16 months went by with no luck. Not going to lie, I was pretty discouraged. My husband and I were both in school, working part-time jobs, no health insurance or extra money to spend on going to a doctor. I was only 21, which most people would think that is too young to think about having kids, but not me, I felt like my clock was ticking!

Fall of 2010 my husband was working temporarily for a copper mine out west and was making good money. Still no health insurance, but finally a few extra pennies. I could finally go to the doctor!! Come to find out, I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I needed help getting pregnant. So the doctor gave me Clomid. I was pretty skeptical and convinced it wasn't going to work right away. But to our suprise, and excitement, it worked that first month! We were pregnant!! My husband had just been hired on with the Fire Department, with good benefits, everything was falling into place. We couldn't be happier!

My due date was set for August 14, 2011. That first trimester was, horrendous, to say the least. I had morning sickness non-stop. So bad I couldn't even hold down water, at least for a few days. I had to ask my husband and remind myself why I wanted to get pregnant in the first place :) All I could think was, "this child better be worth it!" 3 1/2 months later, it eased up and I was feeling wonderful. I couldn't WAIT to start showing. I had waited long enough for this and I was ready to show it off! I know my wait wasn't nearly as long as other women's, but to me, it felt like an eternity. Watching other women around me get pregnant was very hard. I kept thinking, when will it be my turn? So there I was. Pregnant. And ready to shout it from the rooftops!

April 6, 2011 was the big day of our ultrasound where we would find out the gender. My husband, like most men, was hoping for a boy. Not that he wouldn't love a girl, but you know how men are... I was hoping for a girl.. Everyone around me was convinced it was a boy, so that's what I had in my head as we headed to the doctor's office. The ultrasound was longer than I thought it would be and I was getting so impatient. For awhile, the ultrasound tech wasn't getting the image she wanted and I was worried she wouldn't be able to tell us the gender. Then, very abruptly, she said, "You have a shy little girl". I froze. A girl? Really? I'm having a girl? I had to try real hard to keep my tears and emotions in check. I've always felt so silly crying in front of people.. I can't even describe how excited I was that I was having a girl. She was going to be perfect. She would be beautiful, and smart, and I would braid and curl her hair and teach her everything I knew about the girl world. And her name would be Emily LaNae Jensen.

I was on cloud 9 for the next 13 days, until April 19, 2011. I'll cover that next time. Thanks for reading :)