Wednesday, January 4, 2012


The whole process/event of losing a baby is something I have been thinking about a great deal lately. I had no idea it was so common. It wasn't until I lost Emily that my eyes were opened to how many women have lost their children.

However, it wasn't until I lost Emily that several people I knew personally had lost their children as well. Just months after losing Emily my dear friend Susannah lost her daughter, and just last night my best friend's brother and his wife lost their baby at about 7 months. Something I had never before thought about, is something I am now surrounded with. It seems strange. I don't know if it is because I just did not notice it before or if there really has been an increase of loss in my little world. During a conversation with my best friend last night we discussed how ironic it is that women who do not appreciate their children, or do not take care of the children they have are able to get pregnant and have children like most of us breathe. And then there are those of us who want to be mothers so bad and have a good foundation and life to be raising children and we are left with nothing. It is so true that good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. So goes life. I have found that trying to make sense of stuff like that proves pointless. These are things we will never understand. All I can say is that I have faith the Lord will take care of us. He knows us better than anyone and knows what we need. Plus, we don't always know someone's circumstances and situations. Who is stay who "deserves" a baby and who doesn't?

The point I want to make with this post is how thankful I am having had gone through what I did with Emily. While I miss her everyday and it still makes me sad, I am now able to comfort and connect with women I would have never connected with before. I was able to comfort my friends who experienced the loss of their babies. If I had not lost Emily I wouldn't have come close to understanding them or being able to help them. I have also been able to "meet" and talk with women out in the blogging world who are just like me and feel the same things I feel. It still amazes me how strong these women are and how they went on to have such fulfilling and wonderful lives. I can only hope I will be able to heal and live a wonderful life as well.

I think I can honestly say the Lord knew what he was doing when Emily left us. Had it not been for that experience I would not be who I am today. I would still be in my naive bubble. It was/is painful but it has stretched me more than I could have ever imagined. So for that I am grateful. Thanks for reading!


  1. Jessica! How did I miss this? How did I not know that you were expceting and had lost a little girl (named Emily of all things?) ??? I am so sorry. I am sorry that you had to go through this and I am sorry that I didn't know. It is true we don't know how many people go through something, how many people out there have aching hearts until we go through it too. These heart aches make us who we are and even though our heart aches don't always look the same I've learned that one of the reasons we have them is because the we need to be stretched and be able to love others and feel their hurts.
    I've had to grieve this year and I've found that I just had to stop and say... "today is an angry day" it's okay to be angry... "today is a greatful day"... "today I am grieving". "I'm not mad at the Lord because I am sad, I just have to be sad right now and tomorrow will be something else. I have to experience all of these feelings or I can not heal, and then I can let them go."
    I will be praying for you...

  2. I totally agree. Losing my children have shaped me into the person I am today. Without them, I wouldn't be me and I can't imagine that.