Well, it's December. And has been for 23 days. For those of you who have read my earlier posts may remember that this is the month Justin and I had originally decided to go to the doctor and go back on Clomid. As it was coming up on December I kept waiting for that excitement to hit me, but it has yet to come.
I have already decided which doctor I want to see but I haven't decided when I will call. I don't want to go see the doctor simply because it is December if I am not feeling excited about it. I want to feel excited about having kids like I was last time when I went on the Clomid.
Now when I think about getting pregnant and having a baby all I feel is anxiety and feeling unsure. After we lost Emily I thought a lot about whether we were/are really ready to have children. While I had been pregnant I didn't have any doubts, but after she was born I wasn't so sure. I don't know why my feelings have changed. If you had asked me back in June or July I would have gone to see a doctor in a heartbeat because I felt more than ready to do the pregnancy thing again, but Justin and I had agreed that we should give it more time. Now that that time has passed, I am no longer feeling that excitement that would normally accompany an anticipated pregnancy.
I guess I am just waiting to feel the excitement and desire to be a mom again before I make my move and call the doctor's office. I have no idea how long that will take, could be next month, could be a few months...Anyone have any tips or suggestions to get back into that baby having mood?? Thanks for reading!