Well it is getting closer to Christmas and I have changed my outlook and attitude about this holiday season since my last post. After a bit of self pity I realized that this holiday season was going to happen whether I liked it or not and it would be much more pleasant if I didn't spend my time fighting against it.
I had a good talk with a former boss/friend of mine and realized there is a lot I could be doing this holiday season to bring joy and fulfillment even though we are without our Emily. I wanted to make this Christmas mean something. I wanted it to be a Christmas where I spent my time helping and blessing others instead of dwelling on how sad I was. So Justin and I decided to do the 12 days of Christmas for a few families in our church who have had a hard year. (Pretty sure they won't be reading this blog...so hopefully I didn't give away the surprise!) I know it's not much but I have really enjoyed getting the little gifts together and wrapping them all the while thinking about how happy we will make these families (hopefully!). It has really made the last couple weeks feel more festive and it had nothing to do with all the commercialism of Christmas, which I come to dislike more and more each year. Justin and I even put up our Christmas tree and hung our stockings :) I spontaneously decided the other day that Emily needed a stocking as well so I made her one. Turned out pretty cute I think :)
I have also decided to steal my former boss/friend's tradition and I am going to buy an angel tree ornament to put on the tree every year in honor of Emily. How wonderful it will be to see the angels multiply as the years go by. My mother started off the tradition by getting the first angel and giving it to me for my birthday.
Speaking of birthdays, my birthday is this week. I will be 23. I know for most of you reading this, you are thinking 23 is still young. Well to be honest, I feel old. When I think about how I will be 23, it doesn't seem correct. I feel like I should be turning 30. For that is how old I feel. This last semester being in school and associating with individuals my age made me realize how old I really feel. I would listen to their conversations and things they have going in their lives and I realize that I do not have much in common with them. The only thing we have in common is our age. I guess I need to be grateful that I am not yet 30 and I still have many years ahead of me. For now I am okay being the "old" 23. :) Thanks for reading and Merry Christmas!