Yes, you read that right, I get to go home tomorrow :) No more hospital prison for me!! I don't really have any more freedom, but instead of being trapped in a hospital bed I get to be trapped on my own bed/couch. I had no idea this was even an option for me until a few days ago and since then time has been DRAGGING!!! Justin and I are both nervous about me being at home now instead of under constant watch of the nurses, but there are many benefits as well. I have 1 appointment with my OB every week and 1 appointment every week with the perinatologist. So between two appointments a week and remaining on my contraction medication I think things should be okay. I am currently 21 weeks and still have several weeks before that "being able to breathe easier/viability" time.
Now for the other update. I had my 20-ish week anatomic ultrasound this morning and boy was it a crazy roller coaster I don't think I was ready to handle. I was excited to see the 2 remaining babies, mostly because I needed that renewed love, excitement, and determination to finish out this pregnancy. Since Braden was born I have had weird emotions concerning the remaining two babies. I have felt emotionally, mentally, and physically drained. I have not been convinced that I want to keep fighting for these two. I just wanted to be done. I instantly fell in love with Braden when he was born but I have yet to feel that love and dedication to the two that are still in there. I delivered a baby and I wanted to be done. I was really hoping that by seeing these two on the ultrasound and seeing them move around, it would get me excited about this pregnancy again and help me to get through the next several weeks.
During the ultrasound they discovered that Baby B's placenta is weird and small and the baby has really low amniotic fluid. Baby C is doing fine and its placenta and fluid is normal. There aren't any plans or ideas of what is going to happen at this point. The perinatologist just wants to do an ultrasound every week to see how Baby B develops and what is happening with its fluid. As if I didn't have enough to stress and worry over when I go home! I still have a month to go, worried about preterm labor and this stitch, and now every week I will be stressing over what they will find with Baby B and the placenta/fluid situation.
I was feeling more confident about the outcome until the ultrasound this morning. Now I am back to having no idea what will happen or how all this will play out. It's hard to get excited about this remaining pregnancy when I am not convinced I get to keep them. Gah! Somebody please reprogram my brain and allow me to only think positive, happy thoughts! So that's all the updates for now, it might be awhile before I update again.... we will see!