I am feeling a little more human and my head is beginning to clear a little from the events of the last week and I thought now would be a good time to update everyone.
Last I posted I was pregnant with triplets still, with Baby A's sack ruptured. A week ago tonight I went into labor and delivered Baby A (which was a boy and we named Braden Andrew). It was about 2 am when I had woken up in some discomfort and having to use the bathroom. As the next half hour progressed it got increasingly worse. I informed my nurse, and the next two hours were spent trying to get me to use the bathroom while I was having painful "contractions". It seemed every part of me was contracting and hurting except my uterus. That is why it took a couple hours before it was agreed that it might be labor. It was about 4 am when I attempted to use the bathroom and knew he was coming. My doctors were called and I labored for about two more hours. I delivered on the operating table with the perinatologist ready to put the cerclage in after Braden was born (if my body cooperated and didn't try to deliver the other two babies). The labor and delivery was painful but went fairly quickly. He was born about ten minutes after 6 am Monday morning. They told me it was a boy and let me get a quick glimpse of him before they put me under. Thankfully the doctor was able to put the stitch in without any major problems and the other two babies stayed safely inside. Several days following the delivery/cerclage I was pumped full of magnesium and kept in a slightly comatose state. Friday morning they took me off the magnesium and it has taken the last couple days for it to get out of my system and for me to be a bit more functional. Currently I am still pregnant with two babies, the cerclage hasn't given us any problems and I am about 3 weeks from viability.
Braden's birth was recorded as a live birth and we will be getting a birth certificate for him. Emily was further along in gestation but was stillborn. I was told Braden was still alive when he was born and moved a little bit while Justin was holding him. His burial was yesterday morning and I heard it was sweet but brief which is what we were wanting. He is buried on the same plot as his sister.
The last couple days as I have been "waking up" a bit I have been thinking a lot. I have decided that it is time for us to stop trying for children. At least through infertility treatments and procedures like we have been doing. Part of me wants to no longer be pregnant, go home and move on with the next chapter of my life, whatever that may be. I have to continuously remind myself that I am still pregnant with two babies and at the end of all of this I could still walk away with two living children. It is not a guarantee but it is a possibility. I have to really try to keep fighting and prepare myself for whatever is to come with these two babies.
Regardless of the outcome of all of this, we are done pursuing children. At least in the natural sense. I know there is always adoption and other avenues, but I am not even going to consider those options for a long time. The last couple years have been too trying and too focused on getting us a baby. It is time for a break physically and emotionally. I am done going through fertility treatments to purposefully get us pregnant knowing that my body probably won't cooperate long enough to have a viable baby. I think it's time to move on. This isn't to say that I won't get to raise these two babies or that other children won't enter our life at some point. I am only 23 and have many "mothering" years ahead of me.
As a result of being done with the fertility and baby attempts, I have also decided to retire my blog. I had started this blog to process the loss of Emily and have an outlet as we continued to try for children. Deciding to move on with the next phase of my life includes letting this blog go. I will continue posting through the remainder of this pregnancy, I think it is only fair that I follow through with this experience and continue to update til the end. Once this pregnancy is over, whenever that may be, I will be done posting.
I am looking forward to whatever the following years hold for us, and I know that no matter what happens, I still have 4 beautiful children. We aren't childless, just waiting to be a family :) Thanks for reading and following us through this process.