So I had a kind of break down this morning over finances. We are broke, we are always broke. Us and everyone else out there right? My husband is a firefighter and while the benefits are decent and it's a stable job and he loves what he does, let's face it, firefighters don't make that much money. And since I have yet to finish school, we are kind of on a tight budget. No surprise there.
So recently I have been pretty excited/anxious about going to my doctor appointment on Monday to start the whole "figure out what's wrong with me and maybe try the whole pregnancy thing again" thing. But after a quick mental survey of our finances, I am not so excited anymore.
I am really beginning to wonder if finding out what is wrong with me is really worth it financially. I just keep wondering where the line is between pursuing having children or keep putting us more in debt in medical bills? Justin and I would like to buy a house. In the near future if at all possible. And while I would never outright decide to put off having kids just so we can buy a house, I feel continuing to pile on the bills just isn't smart. Sometimes I wonder if I should just lay off this whole process, give it a rest for a year or so until we catch up and save up some money and maybe try again. But could I live with myself and be happy for the next year if that's what we decide to do? Or would I spend that year moping and depressed because I am not doing what I would really like to do?
I find it so frustrating because I keep wondering why can't I just be normal? Why do I have to be so darn complicated and have to spend so many more dollars on a process that so many other women find effortless? We should be saving money right now and be planning for our future and instead I feel like we are stuck in the same rut, with all our extra pennies spent on pursuing children and the end is nowhere in sight. So maybe it's time to take a breather?
Or maybe not, maybe we will end up continuing this process and just get ourselves into debt like all the other millions of americans out there. Is the end result of a baby worth it? Where is the cut off? Where is that dollar limit where you finally say "I just can't afford it anymore"? Or is there no limit? Is there no dollar limit to obtaining a baby? I don't know. I don't have any answers. I just know being broke stinks...