When the Going Gets Tough... Create!

This post has been a long time coming. Last fall when I got out of the hospital I had so much free time on my hands and needed something to do. We had recently moved into our house and I was wanting to "cutsie" it up a bit. This is what happens when I am bored, or need a distraction. I come up with a project and throw myself into it. So here are just a few pictures of things I have worked on the last 6 months or so. Enjoy! :)

 My polka dot skirt, one of the few skirts that have color on them

 I used the same pattern for this skirt. I loved the style, but was wanting one that was a little more style-no color :)

 Key holder. Pinterest was my inspiration. Went and bought the frame and hooks, and used my cricut for the rest.

 These are the squares to my baby quilt I am making. I haven't finished stitching the foot prints and I have yet to pick out all my colors for the fabric. Hopefully I will finish it this summer!

 Also a pinterest inspiration-kinda.

 I don't even know where I got the idea for this. I woke up one morning and just pulling stuff out of my craft room to make something and this is what happened! I used my cricut and the dots are buttons.

 I have taken on a red, black, and brown polka dot theme in my kitchen and was needing something on my blank wall. I could never find anything in the store that would match well, so I bought frames and the rest was scrapbook paper I already had. Matches perfectly! :)

 These are the vinyl decals I have in my kitchen. It spans the top of the whole wall in my kitchen (this picture doesn't really do it justice). This was with the help of a friend of mine who I bounced ideas off of.

 These are the curtains I made for my back door in my kitchen.....I am still deciding whether i like them or not. This is the second set I have made and still can't decide..

 This was a mirror we had in our bedroom. My mother in law gave me the decal saying when we went out for Christmas and I was having a hard time deciding where to put it. This is where it ended up and I love it :)

 This is my baby scrapbook I made. Complete with all their pictures, footprints, birth dates and times and pictures of their burials. Pretty happy with how it turned out.

Mugs in my kitchen :) Found these at Hobby Lobby and decided they were perfect for my kitchen. I couldn't find shelves for them that would work (They are pretty wide mugs). So my wonderful hubby made these for me and I painted them. Go us! :)

P.S.-Can you tell I like polka dots? :)

What did the Hispanic Fire Chief call his two deputies? Jose and Hose B :)

So I wanted to update you all on how my "Happy Goal" is going. I am proud to say that it is going well.  Over the past couple weeks I have been consciously counting my blessings and trying to relish in the everyday moments that make life so wonderful. (I've even been practicing REAL smiles in the mirror) :) I have become a little more dedicated and focused on school. I got a job that is also helping to keep me busy. I have sewed a couple projects I have wanted to finish and have been helping my sister sew her senior prom dress. Little things like that have done wonders in helping me realize that I do have talents and that I CAN accomplish things.  Maybe I can't carry children, but by golly I can sew! :)

However, I have run into a problem that I find so frustrating. In those moments where I recognize that I am happy, I almost immediately feel guilty. Why do I feel guilty for feeling happy? I guess because on some level I feel like it is betraying the memory of what happened. Like being happy minimizes what I have been through. Which sounds so silly when I say it out loud. I feel like being happy means  I have forgotten about my children. Even though I never could forget them. But what woman could be happy when she carries around that memory?

Maybe I should look at the positive. It's okay to be happy. It doesn't mean I have forgotten about them, or that I don't still care or think about it everyday. But no one ever said I am required to be sad the rest of my life because I have buried my four children. I am allowed to enjoy the things I am experiencing in life, right? I guess another part of me wonders what other people must be thinking if they see me smiling and laughing. Do they think I'm heartless?

I don't know. I think this is part of learning how to be happy again. One day at a time, right? All I know is that slowly, but surely, I am getting there. And if I don't always feel happy, "fake it til you feel it" right?

Fumbling My Way to Happiness

This will be short, sweet, and to the point! (hopefully) I have decided it's time to be happy. Yup. A new goal of mine :) A week ago at a church function I kept hearing people tell me to "smile and be happy" Which at the time was so incredibly frustrating and annoying. I mean who are they to tell me to be happy? How about they live the last 6 months of my life and then tell me to smile and be happy? But as time went on I have come to appreciate the council.  They are right. It's time for me to be happy.  Not saying it will be easy and I won't still have hard days, but to be honest, I am so tired of being sad.

It has only been 6 months since the triplets, but in all reality I have been depressed for almost 2 years. I don't even know what it feels like to be happy anymore. I can't tell you the last time I smiled and laughed because I genuinely meant it. All my smiles are more automatic now, because I'm supposed to. And really, I don't even remember how to be happy. I don't remember what it feels like. And those brief times when I think I am happy, it feels silly. It feels foreign.

So here is a new goal of mine: Learn how to be happy. Life is a blessing. We are so blessed. Life is worth living and it's about time I learn how to enjoy it again :) Wish me luck!